There is no "right" or "wrong" approach to marriage counseling. Therefore, couples counselors in Austin may employ different approaches when working with new clients through relational issues. It's helpful to take note of the approaches your potential counselor may intend to use. This can be useful to narrow what you're looking for as you prepare to make a decision.

We can all understand the concept of marriage on paper. However, each marriage holds a combination of traits that are unique to you and your spouse. To be a positive member of support to new clients, I focus on taking an approach that is integrative. This allows me to utilize parts of a select few modalities I find to be most effective for your relational traits and challenges as a couple. Where one individual may be dealing with anxiety or depression, the other may be dealing with grief and loss or the trauma of their past or present. In a situation like this, it's clear that the kind of resolution needed for each person will look different.

As a couples counselor, I will take the time to make space for, and acknowledge, the difficulties that come with each individual struggle. I will also assist in providing an understanding for how these issues have blended, caused emotional separation, and how it can be resolved with intention.

Given the complex and serious nature of supporting couples through very difficult relational transitions, I prioritize creating a space that is a balance between productive, relaxed and, on occasion, humorous. I find this to be both effective and critical to the process of creating change in the therapeutic space. Couples can find it difficult to open up and share their absolute truth to someone they hold a deep, intimate connection with (their spouse) and someone they know simply from the writings of their website (their therapist). I encourage you to join the therapeutic space as the truest forms of yourselves in an effort to build rapport as your personal growth team.

Gottman Method

One of my favorite methods to use, this modality and structure was developed by Drs. John Gottman and Julie Gottman, two incredible psychologists, researchers, and a married couple. The beauty behind the Gottman Method comes from the very unique research the Gottmans completed on couples over several years. According to this method, there are four kinds of negative interactions that can be lethal to a relationship. They call these the Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse- criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, authors Dr. John Gottman and Nan Silver say, "the four horsemen alone predicts divorce with an 82 percent accuracy."

With such consistent and groundbreaking research, this modality is incredibly beneficial in allowing me to support individuals and couples in challenging the behaviors that stem from deep-rooted problems. More times than not, these behaviors are solvable rather than unsolvable.

Emotionally Focused Therapy

Another evidence-based modality I frequently use for couples work is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). To get a basic understanding of what this modality is, we can start with its name! The Emotionally Focused Therapy model focuses on the emotional response system of both individuals, including the regulation of emotions.

More specifically, EFT is modeled around attachment theory. In using EFT, we'll learn about the development of your emotional connections, such as the parent-child relationship and how bonds were and are presently formed for you. This will lend a lot to telling the story of who each of you are, the kind of impact those experiences have had in the development of your adult identities, and where there are opportunities to create meaningful change in how you communicate with one another. Diving into these experiences will teach the both of you how to create connections that are supportive, safe, and secure.

Per the American Psychological Association, couples counseling shows an effectiveness rate of about 75% when Emotionally Focused Therapy is used for treatment. This statistic speaks volumes about the importance of emotionally focused therapy work, especially when taking into consideration the fact that communication issues often stem from emotion-related difficulties.

Many therapists find it difficult to guarantee the outcome of couples services. This is because it is well understood in the field of psychotherapy that the effectiveness of therapy is dependent on many factors, including consistency in attendance of the therapy sessions, at what point you seek therapy (too often, couples wait until they're in crisis), follow-through with practicing the coping strategies and language, and issues related to the safety of each individual (i.e. the presence of abuse, violence, other crimes, etc.).

Couples will often seek therapy for issues such as communication barriers, difficulty building trust, toxic behaviors, emotional distance, cheating, anger issues, and boundary setting, to name a few.

It is a common and unfortunate misconception that your relational problems have to be "bad enough" to warrant marriage counseling. Many couples don't realize this until it's too late. Often, this is followed by another painful misconception that weighs heavy on those who hear it and also really need it: that couples therapy doesn't actually work. Sadly, these are the leading reasons for why couples don't start therapy until they are in crisis. In reality, what is most important about making this decision is to consider how your relational problems are making you feel, and not whether or not they are "bad enough". So, don't wait!