Types of Couples Therapy & Techniques: Which One is Right for You?
Takeaway: With all the different types of couples therapy, it can be hard to know which one will work best for you and your partner. In this guide, I’ll break down the benefits (and potential drawbacks) of each method so you can make an informed decision. Plus, I also offer strategies you and your partner can try at home to strengthen your relationship.
Whether you're navigating the rough waters of a struggling relationship or just seeking to deepen the connection with your partner, this exploration will unveil some of the best ways to reignite the passion and understanding that lies at the heart of every successful romantic relationship. So, how do you know which types of couples therapy methods are right for you? If you haven't already discovered, you'll soon realize that with therapy, there's no one-size-fits-all answer to this question (dang it). But you'll soon discover that this is a good thing! It means there's likely a method or two out there that's a great fit for you and your partner. Some highly effective methods include Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Imago Relationship Therapy, and Gottman Method, among others. While it's essential to work with a trained couples therapist for in-depth issues, you can certainly start by adapting some couples therapy techniques for home use, like open communication, actively listening to your partner without interrupting, practicing empathy and understanding, expressing feelings and needs honestly, and engaging in problem-solving together.
Navigating through the array of couples therapy options can feel like a lot for you and your partner. Here, I'll help you unravel the advantages and possible limitations of each method to help you make an educated choice that feels empowering to the both of you.
What is couples therapy?
The world of relationships manages to be both enchanting and complex, filled with moments of joy and challenges that test the very foundations of your connection with each other. Couples therapy is approached with this understanding in mind. The process promotes guidance on a journey of self-discovery, introspection, and mutual understanding.
Couples therapy is designed to help you and your partner improve your relationship and resolve recurring conflicts, talk through their challenges and facilitate healthier communication and understanding. It provides a supportive and constructive environment where couples can learn to communicate effectively, strengthen emotional connection, address trust issues, and learn healthy relationship skills. Therapy sessions explore the depths of emotions, uncover buried patterns of behavior, and open avenues to enhance problem-solving skills. The insights gained in therapy can be very powerful and transformative to your relationship. It's a safe space to address your individual concerns and together develop resolutions that allow for mutual growth. Most importantly, it's a place where empathy and active listening are paramount, which allows for a sense of validation and support for both partners.
Who couples counseling is for
The great thing about couples therapy is that it's multifaceted, giving it the ability to offer valuable insights and strategies that promote understanding, emotional closeness, and overall improve relationship satisfaction. Here are some common issues that couples seek therapy for.
Communication and Conflict Issues
Communication is such a vital part of relationships. It even teaches us how to manage conflict effectively (yes, there is such a thing)! Couples who often find themselves stuck in a cycle of conflict, poor communication, or unresolved issues can benefit a great deal from counseling to improve their communication and conflict resolution skills.
Life Transitions
Life transitions happen more often than we recognize. When there is a significant life transition, like becoming parents or a blended family, retirement, or relocation, finding support and guidance with your partner can help you both navigate through these changes.
LGBTQ+ Couples
Although same-sex couples may struggle with the same challenges as any other couple, they may also encounter unique challenges related to societal attitudes, family dynamics, and legal considerations. When balancing these issues within your partnership, it's important to consider how a safe space, such as what couples therapy can offer, can help address these issues constructively.
Sexual Issues
Sex. Sometimes it's fun and sometimes it's complicated. That's both normal and OK! Many couples are often surprised to discover that the sexual difficulties they're experiencing are likely tied to other relational issues that required prioritization. Working with a counselor can help you explore and address intimacy concerns in a way that is sensitive to both you and your partner.
Couples Considering Separation or Divorce
Couples facing significant challenges in their relationship and contemplating separation or divorce can greatly benefit from discernment counseling. This can help you explore your options together and make informed decisions that take both your thoughts and feelings into consideration.
Pre-Marital Counseling
Couples who are planning to get married can use counseling to explore and address potential challenges, establish realistic expectations, and strengthen their relationship foundation prior to entering a lifelong and legal commitment to one another.
Financial Issues
In today's climate, financial stress is incredibly high. Couples dealing with this kind of stress and disagreements connected to money matters can benefit from counseling to develop a language around finances and shared financial goals.
Who can provide couples therapy
Looking for a couples counselor takes good searching and knowledge of what you are looking for. In doing so, it's important to take the therapist's qualifications and approach into consideration. You should also know more about their clinical experience dealing with the specific issues you and your partner are facing. Effective marriage therapy can benefit your relationship in big ways when you find the best match! Here are the mental health professionals you can consider looking at as you prepare for couple therapy.
Licensed Professional Counselors (LPC)
A Licensed Professional Counselor has received a masters degree in counseling and passed the appropriate Texas board licensing exam. They are qualified to work with individuals, couples, and families, and can choose to specialize in couples therapy to address relationship concerns.
Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSW)
A Licensed Clinical Social Worker has received a masters degree in social work and passed the appropriate Texas board licensing exam to practice clinically. Their training focuses on understanding the impact of social systems on individuals and families. This also gives them the ability to specialize in couples therapy if they so choose.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists (LMFT)
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists have obtained a masters degree in marriage and family therapy. They have passed the appropriate Texas board licensing exam to practice therapy. They are specifically trained in family systems and relationship dynamics, making them well-informed in couples therapy. They are skilled in addressing issues within the context of the couple's family and social networks.
Psychologists (PsyD or PhD)
A psychologist has received a doctoral degree and is a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) or a Doctor of Philosophy. They have received extensive education and training in psychology. Some psychologists specialize in couples therapy and have specific training in relationship dynamics and interventions to help couples resolve conflicts and enhance their connection.
Types of couples therapy
Couples therapy encompasses many therapeutic modalities that can help partners improve their relationship, communication, and emotional connection. It's important to have a general understanding of these modalities as you approach the idea of couples therapy and how it can effectively improve your relationship with your partner. Here are some common modalities used in couples therapy and what you should take into consideration.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT)
Emotionally Focused Therapy can help with identifying and transforming negative patterns of communication and behavior to foster a secure emotional connection. Research from a two-year follow up study has shown evidence that EFT can increase intimacy satisfaction in the presence of reducing attachment avoidance in therapy.
Potential Benefits
Strengthening Emotional Bonds: By addressing attachment needs and emotions, emotion focused therapy can help couples feel more secure and emotionally connected within the relationship.
Improved Communication: Couples will learn to communicate their feelings and needs in a way that fosters understanding and empathy.
Enhanced Intimacy: The process can encourage couples to be vulnerable with each other, leading to a deeper emotional connection and greater sense of intimacy.
Potential Drawbacks
Dependency on the Therapist: Some couples might become overly dependent on the therapist for emotional exploration, making it challenging to maintain progress outside of therapy.
Emotional Exhaustion: Due to its emotional intensity, couples might experience temporary emotional exhaustion or overwhelm during the therapy process.
Not Addressing Individual Concerns: Since the primary focus is on the couple's relationship dynamics and emotions, it may not fully address individual concerns that aren't related to the relationship.
Gottman Method
The Gottman Method was developed by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman whose approach is based on extensive research on relationship dynamics explored in their apartment laboratory. It emphasizes building communication skills, resolving conflicts, and enhancing intimacy through the Sound Relationship House theory.
Potential Benefits
Practical Skills: The practical tools and strategies provided can be applied in daily life to strengthen the connection between partners.
Focus on Friendship and Intimacy: The emphasis on cultivating friendship, emotional intimacy, and positive interactions in the relationship leads to a deeper sense of connection and emotional bond.
Conflict Management: Couples are taught constructive ways to manage conflicts and disagreements, rather than letting them escalate into destructive patterns.
Potential Drawbacks
Couples with Severe Distress: If couples are experiencing severe relationship distress or complex individual issues, it may not be suitable.
Limited Emphasis on Individual Issues: The primary focus is on the dynamics between partners and may not fully address individual concerns that can influence the relationship.
Time-Intensive: The Gottman Method may involve several sessions and exercises to implement the skills effectively. This time commitment might not work well for all couples.
Imago Relationship Therapy
Imago Therapy can help facilitate healing and growth in relationships by helping partners understand each other in new ways. The main principles include understanding childhood wounds, practicing conscious communication, redefining how couples view conflict, becoming healing partners to each other, rediscovering the romance, and enhancing empathy and compassion.
Potential Benefits
Understanding Childhood Wounds: As couples gain insight into how their past experiences and early childhood experiences and dynamics might be influencing their current relationship, they see an increase in empathy and compassion towards each other's struggles.
Improved Communication: Its use of "Imago Dialogue" fosters active listening and empathetic responses, which can improve communication and emotional connection.
Conflict Resolution: It encourages couples see how disagreements can become opportunities for growth and connection as they learn to navigate conflicts constructively.
Potential Drawbacks
Reliance on Partner for Healing: For some individuals, being the "healing partner" may place a heavy burden on the relationship.
Emotional Intensity: Imago Therapy may delve into deep emotional wounds from the past, which can be emotionally intense and challenging for some individuals.
Individual Issues: Since the primary focus is on the relationship dynamics, it may not fully address individual issues that could be contributing to the issues in the relationship.
Cognitive-Behavioral Couples Therapy (CBCT)
CBCT combines principles from cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) with techniques specifically tailored for couples. CBCT is designed to help couples identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviors that contribute to relationship difficulties.
Potential Benefits
Individual and Relationship Improvement: CBCT can benefit both individuals and the relationship as a whole, leading to personal growth and improved relationship satisfaction.
Improved Communication: The therapy focuses on enhancing communication skills, helping partners express their needs, emotions, and concerns more clearly and constructively.
Behavioral Changes: The therapy aims to modify negative behavior patterns within the relationship and promote more positive interactions between partners.
Potential Drawbacks
Not Suitable for Severe Distress: It may not be the best fit for couples experiencing severe relationship distress or significant individual issues.
Limited Emphasis on Emotions: CBCT may focus more on observable behaviors and thought patterns, potentially overlooking deeper emotional issues in the relationship.
Time-Intensive: Like any therapeutic approach, the success of CBCT may require several sessions and a commitment to implementing the learned skills over time.
Couples therapy methods you can try at home
Whether you're thinking about starting therapy or you've already begun, it's important to be intentional about how you are actively working on your relationship at home. Although therapy can help a lot and very often be the best place to dissect your deeper struggles and feelings constructively, there are a lot of practical exercises that can help kick off your active engagement in improving communication, emotional connection, and understanding. Licensed therapists may also have you take home training materials to practice. The key is to enjoy each other's company in the process. Here are some therapeutic exercises that couples can try.
Daily Check-Ins
Taking a few minutes each day to ask each other how your day went and how you're feeling can really go a long way. This exercise fosters communication and shows that you care about one another's lives and feelings. Overtime, this accumulates to more safety and comfortability in the relationship.
Reflective Listening
Take turns playing the role of "speaker" and "listener". The speaker shares their own feelings or thoughts, while the listener reflects back what they heard, while also demonstrating understanding and empathy. As you prepare to speak and listen, ensure that you avoid judgement, blame, and criticism of one another, as this will only cause hurt or conflict.
Share Appreciation
Each partner shares one thing they appreciate about the other person from the day. This practice can help train the mind to observe the positive in the relationship (often overlooked) and can also strengthen emotional bonds. Feel free to get creative about how you share appreciation. Try appreciation notes (short, sweet notes around the house expressing love and appreciation), send appreciation texts, or record/photograph moments of your partner that you appreciate. This simple gesture can brighten your partner's day.
Share a Hobby
Find a hobby or activity that both you and your partner can enjoy and spend time doing it together regularly. Don't stress about picking the perfect, most elaborate hobby. It could be something as simple as playing a card game, gardening, or going for a walk. The idea is that you delve into something that you both enjoy together that creates both interest and excitement.
Movie/TV Show Night
Pick a movie or TV show that you both enjoy and make it a regular date night at the theater or at home. Share favorite snacks, cuddle up under a blanket, and soak it up! At the end, have some casual and fun reflection about the movie. Now's your shot to act like movie critics together!
Take Turns Planning Dates
Keeping up with a date night ritual can ensure you are spending quality time together that is intimate and connecting. Alternate who makes the plans for the dates or activities, and consider how you can keep the element of surprise alive too.
Go Down Memory Lane
Remembering the roots of your relationship can elicit positive memories. Look through old photo albums, watch home videos together, or just converse to reminisce about your journey as a couple.
Exercise Together
Engage in physical activities like yoga, dancing, going for walks, or any form of exercise you might enjoy. This can promote a sense of togetherness and boost your mood through the release of endorphins.
Express Your Love Languages
Learning about each other's love languages can help you and your partner learn more about what resonates with your partner when it comes to receiving love. Ask your partner questions and make an effort to express love in the ways that do resonate with each of you.
Explore Your Attachment Styles
Read about different attachment styles and discuss how your individual styles might interact in the relationship. This is a great exercise to help each of you understand more about how your partner behaves and where it originates. It is also great for practicing empathy and understanding.
Reimagining the Future Together
Discuss your shared vision for the future, including individual and joint goals, aspirations, shared values, life dreams, and how you can support each other's growth in the process. This exercise helps in understanding each other's motivations and priorities and allowing one another to be an active part of that journey.
Couples counseling can help you take your connection to the next level.
Although relationship problems are pretty common, it can easily lead to feelings of isolation, embarrassment, and fear for the future. That often stems from feeling like there is a lot unknowns for couples about how to resolve it on their own. The good news is you don't have to do it alone because therapy can help. A couple's therapy journey can help change the presence of negative emotions in your relationship into positive one.
As a couples therapist, I know how difficult it can be to manage the emotions of two individuals in a relationship and express your feelings honestly. Adult relationships consist of many parts. Through an integrative approach, I work to help couples identify the negative and unhealthy patterns that weigh relationships down, while simultaneously encompassing the importance of a more secure attachment and emotional connection. Together, we can collectively explore and evaluate your relational issues, gain deeper insights, and work toward enhancing your mental well-being to enrich the quality of your partnership. Start therapy today by reaching out!
